Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is the high leading the old right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
