Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
