Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
