guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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