I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
