dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy