His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.