Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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