I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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