Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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