he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.