5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
