im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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