We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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