I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
