so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
