Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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