: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
