Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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