and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
