Non-Jews are for practice
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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