Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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