saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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