if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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