found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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