My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we're making bets on your personal life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
