went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
