i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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