I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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