nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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