I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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