In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
