I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
