He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
