if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
