I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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