Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
