And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
