Me. At least after what I've been through.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
