woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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