theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
