Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
