I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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