dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
