i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
