my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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