i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
