i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
