Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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