I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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