i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
