had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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