My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
