First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
