I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
