Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
