great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
