i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
