2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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