New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
