my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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