she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
