I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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