Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Alive.
So much puke
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
