We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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