Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
