I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
