All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize