Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
