I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
