This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
