I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
