The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.