It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot