She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..