Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.