he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
