I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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