Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
