If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
