if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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