so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
