He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
