yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
