I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
