Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
