She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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